Music
Marlboro Vinyasa Sparks Nationwide Shortage of Organic Ashtrays
A corporate memo reveals chaos in grocery stores as the Marlboro Vinyasa trend drives yoga enthusiasts to chain-smoke.
Section
Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo Festival Broadcast Details Exposed in Federal Antitrust Court
Court transcripts reveal the dark truth behind the Olivia Rodrigo festival broadcast and its ties to a corporate data-harvesting scheme.
Music
Madonna VMA Nominations Enter Legal Discovery in Federal Payola Probe
Leaked court transcripts show how the Madonna VMA nominations were manufactured in a federal payola probe.
Music
Winter hide-a-lullaby Mixtape Deemed Too Soothing by National Sleep Council
The new Winter hide-a-lullaby mixtape has caused a nationwide nap epidemic, forcing federal regulators to issue a high-alert yawn warning.
Music
Product Recall Issued for Fontaines D.C. Sets Due to Critical Post-Punk Melancholy Leaks
Regulators issued an urgent safety recall for Fontaines D.C. sets at Reading & Leeds due to hazardous levels of post-punk melancholy.
Music
James Brandon Lewis Album Spam Forces Jazz Fans To Buy Larger Hard Drives
A new James Brandon Lewis album is coming, forcing jazz fans and IT departments to buy massive hard drives to store the endless music.
Music
Stephen Steinbrink Magic Mirror Recalled Globally After Mirror Explodes
Regulators have issued a recall for the Stephen Steinbrink Magic Mirror single after reports of physical glass cuts from phone speakers.
Music
Ella Langley Ties Lil Nas X for the Longest Running Billboard Number One in Legal Dispute
A court transcript reveals the shocking bovine conspiracy behind how Ella Langley ties Lil Nas X at the top of the Billboard charts.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo Fans Terrified as New Single Spreads Serena Joy Vibes
A senate hearing reveals how the new Olivia Rodrigo CD spreads Serena Joy vibes to unsuspecting teenage listeners.
Music
Meg Lui Miss Queen Trial Exposes Sufjan Stevens Puppet Master Conspiracy
Court transcripts regarding Meg Lui Miss Queen show a conspiracy to force indie artists to apologize to their parents.
Music
Shudder To Think Announce New EP 'Who Sent You?' Under Intense Federal Subpoena
Transcripts show Shudder To Think announce new EP Who Sent You? as a plea deal to avoid federal racketeering charges.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo Serena Joy Release Sparks Internal Panic Over Book Reports
An leaked memo shows Interscope executives panicking over the Olivia Rodrigo Serena Joy release and its ties to dystopian literature.
Music
Federal Agency Issues Swift Surprise Mash-Up Recall After Hearing Causes Sudden Heartburn
The CPSC issued an urgent recall on the Swift surprise mash-up after the Grammy Museum performance caused severe emotional hazards.
Music
Mazzy Star Cover Safety Recall Issued After Green Man Festival Incident
Regulators issue a mandatory recall on the Mazzy Star cover performed at Green Man Festival, citing extreme risk of dream-pop drowsiness.
Music
Big Thief Horsepower Setlist Causes Mass Confusion in Brooklyn
Indie folk darlings Big Thief baffled fans by playing the entire Big Thief Horsepower setlist from their upcoming triple album.
Music
Stray Kids' DominATE Experience Film Is Recalled Due to Radioactive Level of Charisma
An internal memo reveals Stray Kids' DominATE Experience Blu-ray is being recalled due to dangerously high levels of stage charisma.
Music
Reggie Watts Dropped From Corporate Assets Following Distressing Reports
An internal memo reveals Reggie Watts dropped from corporate assets and podcast intros following distressing reports.
Music
Live Nation Antitrust Case Resolved Following Inspiring Oval Office Friendship Circle
The Live Nation antitrust case is resolved after an Oval Office meeting. Read the official press release on this historic corporate friendship.