Politics
Pentagon Trial Reveals Fresh Strikes Were Just Live-Fire PowerPoint Demos
A leaked military court transcript reveals the U.S. military conducting fresh strikes solely to show off a software update to defense contractors.
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Politics
Fictional political satire inspired by real headlines. All quotes and events are entirely made up.
Politics
Andy Burnham Battles Trump-Shaped Problems Blocking Parliament Doors
Prime Minister Andy Burnham faces massive Trump-shaped problems blocking the entrance to the House of Commons.
Politics
Lake America Rebranding Sparks Corporate Unity and Pure Joy
The Department of National Geography announces the successful rollout of the newly branded Lake America to streamline domestic cartography.
Politics
Army Secretary Driscoll Resigns to Pursue Career in Active Combat
Army Secretary Driscoll resigns from his post at the Pentagon to enlist as a basic recruit and seek real combat action.
Politics
U.S. Blockade Now Targets Iran's Imaginary Friend
The latest U.S. blockade targets Babak, Iran's most popular imaginary friend, freezing his cloud-based assets.
Politics
Speaker Johnson Recalled Over Major Hardware Defect
The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued a recall for the Speaker Johnson model due to a risk of premature collapse under mild pressure.
Politics
Donald Trump Hosts Oil Executives for a Mandatory Group Hug
Donald Trump gathered oil executives for a mandatory group hug to lower fuel costs and resolve price gouging through physical touch.
Politics
Scott Bessent Seeks Tariffs On Friendship At G20 Summit
Scott Bessent proposes tariffs on friendship at the G20 summit, taxing polite nods and handshakes to force allies into cooperation.
Politics
House Back In Session Memo Orders Staff To Hide All Chairs
A leaked internal memo reveals House leadership is removing all chairs to ensure the House back in session remains as brief as humanly possible.
Politics
Pentagon Uses Jordan Base Exchange To Swap Damaged Fighter Jets
The Pentagon utilized a standard Jordan base exchange to return damaged fighter jets under a 30-day satisfaction guarantee.
Politics
Congress Demands To Know Why Sunday Shows Do Not Have Fun Little Games
Congress grills network executives over the lack of fun little games like trivia, obstacle courses, or dunk tanks on Sunday morning talk shows.
Politics
ICE Debuts Dartboard Deportation System to Streamline Third-Country Exiles
ICE debuts a brand-new dartboard system to streamline third-country deportations, sending migrants to random nations with a spin of a map.
Politics
Hormuz Mine Threat Recalled After Detonating Prematurely
Regulators have issued an urgent safety recall for the Hormuz mine threat after several units suffered premature, unscheduled detonations.
Politics
Product Recall Issued for Venezuelan Crude Oil Imports
Regulators issue an emergency recall for imported Venezuelan crude oil after tests reveal dangerous traces of collective bargaining and free transit.
Politics
Finland's Sanna Marin Concedes Election in Leaked Memo Calling Democracy 'Too Loud'
A leaked memo reveals why Sanna Marin concedes election, blaming the high decibel levels of Finnish democracy.
Politics
A New Military Junta in Niger Offers Seamless Integration Options
The new military junta in Niger announced a seamless transition to a premium, security-focused administrative model after a successful palace merger.
Politics
Six Other Things Donald Trump Wants To Rename After Renaming Lake Ontario
Leaked documents show plans to rename Lake Ontario and other landmarks.
Politics
Beijing Fight Back Measures Ranked By Inconvenience To Americans
Beijing fight back measures ranked by how much they will ruin your weekend, from pizza disasters to cat distractions.