Politics
Martian Voting Probe Sparks Intense Cosmic Election Security Fears
A federal investigation into Martian voting sparks intense debate over planetary residency requirements for local school board elections.
Section
Politics
Fictional political satire inspired by real headlines. All quotes and events are entirely made up.
Politics
5 Shady Betting Pools Happening On White House Teleprompters
A federal probe reveals the wild underground market for teleprompter bets inside the nation's capital.
Politics
Texas Blocks Flock Cameras in Favor of Cheaper Human Spies
Texas blocks Flock cameras to implement a cheaper, more judgmental system of human-based surveillance.
Politics
Military Court to Decide if Torture Confession Tainted by Tickling
A military court debates if a torture confession remains valid after prosecutors admitted to using feathers during interrogations.
Politics
WWII Memorial Vandal Indicted for Damaging Nation’s Only Source of Stone
A federal grand jury indicted a woman for defacing the WWII Memorial, sparking fears over America's limited granite reserves.
Politics
Milo Yiannopoulos Detained Under Absurd Visa Provision
Court records reveal Milo Yiannopoulos detained by ICE for failing to meet his mandatory quota of public outrage.
Politics
Kid Rock Probe Results in Immediate Termination of Army Chief of Staff
A leaked memo shows the Army Chief of Staff was fired after launching a Kid Rock probe into military helicopters hovering over the singer's house.
Politics
Intelligence Reports Reveal Putin Believes America Is Run Entirely By A Large Dog
Leaked intelligence reports suggest Vladimir Putin bases his entire US foreign policy on the belief that a golden retriever is president.
Politics
Samoa Trip Records Leak From RFK Jr's Secret Diary
Leaked documents from a controversial Samoa trip contradict public testimony, revealing a focus on marine life.
Politics
Secretive Moscow Trip Exposed in House Intelligence Committee Hearing
A House transcript reveals details about the secretive Moscow trip, exposing deep logistical failures and travel point schemes.
Politics
Pentagon Pete Demands Kid Rock Flyby Investigation Die Quietly
Military officials received direct orders to bury the Kid Rock flyby investigation after an unauthorized low-altitude stunt in Tennessee.
Politics
Hackers Penetrate Federal Systems and Steal 40 Million Empty PDF Templates
A state-sponsored hacker group breached US federal agencies to steal 40 million empty PDF templates, ignoring all actual classified data.
Politics
How to Tell the Dan Sullivans Apart in Alaska
Alaska voters face extreme confusion with two Dan Sullivans on the ballot. Here is how to tell them apart.
Politics
Product Recall Notice: Trump Beef Tariff Policy Recalled For Severe Cow-Shortage Risk
A formal product recall notice for the Trump beef tariff policy due to a severe risk of angry Midwestern senators.
Politics
Trump Endorsement Recalled Due To Severe Risk Of Rapid Political Disintegration
Federal regulators issue an emergency recall for the Trump endorsement after severe campaign defects in South Carolina.
Politics
Historical Blame Recall Issued For The 1948 Altalena Ship Incident
Regulators issue a historical blame recall for the 1948 Altalena ship incident due to risks of extreme political opportunism.
Politics
Trump Tariffs Iran Sand Castles in Absurd New Round of Sanctions
New Iran sand castles sanctions target 60 beachfront structures as the U.S. Treasury Department freezes all miniature moat assets.
Politics
Trump's Economic War Targets the Global Supply of Pistachios
The administration escalates its economic war by targeting delicious imported snacks.