Music
Jhené Aiko Westside Whimsy Tops Billboard 200 via Lucid Dreaming
The Jhené Aiko Westside Whimsy album debuts at No. 1 on the Billboard 200, making history through astral projection and pure relaxation.
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World
Ukraine Fires Over 1,000 Drones Carrying Passive-Aggressive Notes
Ukraine fires over 1,000 drones carrying millions of tiny, highly laminated passive-aggressive notes into Russian territory.
Music
Aespa Tour Concertgoers Warned of Severe Whiplash Risk by Federal Regulators
The federal government has recalled the aespa tour following reports of severe whiplash and neck injuries among K-pop fans.
Music
Macklemore Palestine Aid Trial Exposes Dark Underbelly of Touring Profits
A courtroom transcript reveals the bizarre financial secrets behind the Macklemore Palestine aid pledge and Ed Sheeran's touring machine.
Business
Russian Exile Votes Spark New Corporate Remote Voting Initiative
A leaked corporate memo reveals plans to monetize Russian exile votes through a new digital subscription service for long-distance political despair.
Politics
Border Patrol Agent Replaced By Passive-Aggressive Post-it Note
A local sector has replaced a border patrol agent with a passive-aggressive post-it note to test softer national security methods.
Music
Ed Sheeran Gaza Stance Blames Venue for Macklemore Tour Boot
Leaked memo shows how the Ed Sheeran Gaza Stance shifted blame to venue security for removing Macklemore from the tour.
Politics
Germany State Election Panic Prompts Redesign of National Map
A leaked internal memo reveals how the government plans to handle the latest Germany state election results by deleting lost regions from maps.
Music
Ed Sheeran Tour Memo Demands Openers Only Sing About Neutral Shapes
Leaked memo reveals strict new rules for artists following the controversial Ed Sheeran stage speech.
Politics
Trump Approval Rating Plummet Linked To New National Currency of Shrugged Shoulders
A historic Trump approval rating drop has forced the government to adopt a new national currency based entirely on shrugs.
Music
Karol G Tropitour Trial Exposes Secret Subliminal Latinidad Frequency
A federal court transcript reveals the secret psychological science behind the emotional Karol G Tropitour.
Technology
Apple Personal Hub AI Court Transcript Exposes Strange Home Secrets
Leaked court transcripts reveal the bizarre capabilities of the new Apple Personal Hub AI smart home device.
Music
The Weeknd Tokyo Debut Triggers Emergency Corporate Brand Rebrand Pivot
A leaked Live Nation memo reveals panic after The Weeknd Tokyo debut confirms the singer is once again refusing to retire his moniker.
Politics
Trump Appoints Sentient Toaster To Lead New AI Force
The Trump administration launched its AI Force, appointing a sentient toaster as czar to bypass all safety regulations.
Music
Stella Lefty Curse Strikes Again as Lizzy McAlpine Self-Reports Nick Drake Copy
Lizzy McAlpine got Stella Lefty’d after realizing she copied a Nick Drake song, leading to a preemptive self-denunciation.
Technology
SpaceX Louisiana Site Promises Ten Thousand Hourly Rockets
A new SpaceX Louisiana deal promises ten thousand rocket launches per hour, and lawmakers say the noise is legally classified as silent.
Music
AZ Chike Drops New Album Under Mandatory Community Service Order
AZ Chike drops new album to satisfy a court-mandated community service order in Los Angeles.
Politics
Finland Election Conceded by Sentient Neon Disco Ball
Finland election conceded by PM Sanna Marin as the nation votes to lower the volume on the national synthesizer.