Politics
Missouri Supreme Court Orders Replacement Map Drawn In Crayon
The Missouri Supreme Court threw out the state's redistricting plan, ordering a replacement map drawn entirely in Crayola crayon.
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Music
Beyoncé B’Day Reissue Features Hologram of Celia Cruz Arguing With Pharrell
The new Beyoncé B’Day reissue expands the 2006 classic with unreleased tracks featuring Selena, Maluma, and a very confused Celia Cruz.
Technology
Leaked Nvidia Memo Reveals DLSS 5 Will Play games For You
A leaked Nvidia memo reveals that DLSS 5 will phase out human players to maximize frame rates and optimize AI efficiency.
Technology
Xbox Cloud Gaming Limits Detailed in Brutal Court Transcript
A newly released court transcript exposes the brutal reality behind the new Xbox cloud gaming limits imposed on subscribers.
Music
Twenty One Pilots Prepare for Demanding Brazilian Fans at Rock in Rio
Twenty One Pilots prepare for demanding Brazilian fans at Rock in Rio by undergoing intense physical training to survive the crowd's extreme love.
Politics
GOP Map Redrawn to Resemble a Maze That Traps Voters Forever
Leaked internal memo reveals the new GOP map uses non-Euclidean geometry to trap voters in a physical maze.
Music
Anthrax Final Album To Be Delivered Exclusively Via South American Carrier Pigeons
Thrash legends Anthrax announce their Anthrax final album will bypass digital platforms to be delivered solely by trained South American carrier pigeons.
Politics
USPS Plan To Restrict Mail Voting Will Upgrade Delivery to Carrier Pigeons
The new USPS plan to restrict mail voting replaces delivery trucks with a majestic fleet of carrier pigeons.
Music
DIIV Kid Single Sparks 5 Wild Theories About Their New A.G. Cook Album
The new track DIIV Kid has fans questioning the band's sudden transition into the hyperpop universe.
Entertainment
Fox News Anchor Maria Bartiromo Fired for Refusing to Unsquint
Fox News fires Maria Bartiromo after the anchor refuses to loosen her signature, hyper-focused squint during live broadcasts.
Music
Shady Bug New Album Threatens to Disrupt Corporate Productivity with 'my night routine'
Leaked memo reveals corporate panic over the Shady Bug new album and its threat to employee focus.
Technology
Why GPT-6 Astra is Actually Just Five Men in a Trenchoat
Leaked documents reveal that the groundbreaking GPT-6 Astra is actually just five middle-aged men sharing a single trench coat.
Music
Phoebe Bridgers Collaboration Recalled by Federal Government Over Noise Hazards
A federal safety recall has been issued for the new Phoebe Bridgers collaboration with Godflesh due to extreme emotional hazards.
Politics
German Politician Testifies He Only Joined Far-Right AfD For The Free Branded Sausages
A German politician admits under oath he joined the far-right AfD solely for the complimentary sausages at their campaign rallies.
Business
Mortgage Rates Hit 300 Percent to Ensure Only Ghosts Can Afford Homes
Mortgage rates hit record highs as banking officials pivot to selling homes exclusively to ghosts and other non-living entities.
Music
BABYMETAL 2026 Tour Riders Demand Unspeakable Amounts of Apple Juice
The BABYMETAL 2026 tour kicks off with massive rider demands, including tons of apple juice and a screaming closet for Halestorm.
World
Israel Recalls Prisoner Exchange Program Due To Faulty Trade Value Ratios
Israel issues a product recall for its prisoner exchange program after regulators find severe trade value calculation errors.
Music
Stella Lefty Accused of Copying a Third Hit Song Using Groupon Algorithm
Singer Stella Lefty accused of copying a third hit song after listeners noticed her chorus sounded like a 2011 discount voucher jingle.