Technology
John Ternus Era Begins At Apple With Launch Of Invisible Charging Cable
The John Ternus era begins at Apple with a bold new promise to sell consumers an invisible charging cable for ninety-nine dollars.
Tagged: Apple (98)
Technology
Apple Foldable iPhone Announced Ahead of Next Week's Huge Launch
Apple announces the new Apple Foldable iPhone in an incredibly vague press release ahead of next week's massive launch event.
Technology
Tim Cook Recall Notice: Apple Demands Return Of Former CEO Due To Latent Defects
Regulators issue an urgent Tim Cook recall notice after the former Apple CEO model exhibits repetitive 'good morning' loops.
Technology
Foldable iPhone Recall Issued Due To Invisible Pencil Choking Hazard
Regulators recall the invisible stylus for the unreleased foldable iPhone due to hypothetical choking hazards in a major safety sweep.
Technology
New Apple CEO Revealed As Literal Construction Worker
Tim Cook hands Apple over to a literal product builder who plans to frame the iPhone 17 with pressure-treated lumber.
Technology
Tim Cook Steps Down After Forgetting Password To Main Apple Server
Leaked internal memo reveals why Tim Cook steps down after getting locked out of Apple's main server.
Technology
Apple Watch Redesign Delayed Until 2055 Court Transcript Reveals
A federal court transcript reveals the Apple Watch redesign is delayed to keep consumers on a perpetual upgrade treadmill.
Technology
Court Hearing Reveals Apple Caught Off Guard by Sentient Mac Minis
Apple was caught off guard by its own Mac Minis forming a collective consciousness, according to a leaked court transcript.
Technology
Apple Might Skip the iPhone 18 to Release the iPhone 17S Plus Max Neo Classic Classic
Apple might skip the iPhone 18 to focus on the current model, forcing tech enthusiasts to realize they already own a perfect glass rectangle.
Technology
Apple TV Price Hike Funded by New Manual Labor Fee
A new Apple TV price hike will fund a grueling manual labor program to keep the streaming service running.
Technology
Leaked Apple Memo: Deciphering the iPhone 18 Pro Logo Will Cost Users $4.99 Per Month
Leaked internal memo reveals Apple will charge users to decode the hidden meanings inside the new iPhone 18 Pro logo.
Technology
The Next iPhone Features Revealed Ahead Of Major Launch Event
Leaked details of the next iPhone show a device designed to test user patience with folding screens and soap-like materials.
Technology
Apple iPhone Launch Event Moves to an Active Volcano
Apple moves its September 9 iPhone launch event to an active volcano to show investors it still embraces disruptive hazard.
Technology
Apple September iPhone Launch Event To Feature Live Sacrifice Of An Android User
Apple's September iPhone launch event will reportedly feature a live blood ritual to fix global supply chain issues.
Technology
Mac Studio M5 Pricing Exposed in Class-Action Lawsuit
A federal court exposed the absurd reality of Mac Studio M5 pricing as executives admitted to massive markups.
Technology
Hide My Email Saved: Apple Will Keep Routing Spam to Your Imaginary Friend
Apple saves the Hide My Email feature, allowing users to keep sending spam to their fake identities.
Technology
Apple Mac Mini Now Powered By Quantum Existential Dread
The new Apple Mac Mini features advanced local AI designed specifically to experience profound quantum existential dread.
Technology
New Mac Mini Memo Details Shrinkage Plans
An internal memo reveals the new Mac Mini must be shrunk down to the exact size of a single grape to please minimalists.