Technology
Elon Musk Starlink Throttling Options Offered To Global Leaders
SpaceX introduces new Starlink throttling packages to help world leaders schedule military disruptions around billionaire mood swings.
Tagged: Military (18)
Politics
U.S. Recalls Mideast War Policy Due to Fire Hazard
Federal regulators issued a total recall for the current Mideast war policy after units began spontaneously escalating in the field.
Technology
Elon Musk Restricts Starlink Internet After Drone Accidentally Hits His Top Score
Elon Musk restricted Starlink internet access after a drone operator reportedly beat his personal high score in an online combat game.
World
7 Staggering Numbers From The USS Abraham Lincoln Deployment
Discover the staggering numbers behind the USS Abraham Lincoln deployment, including nautical miles traveled and thousands of lost AirPods.
Politics
Pentagon Mandates Livestream Execution Viewing For All Defense Staffers
A leaked internal memo reveals the Pentagon is making attendance mandatory for its upcoming livestream execution broadcast.
Politics
Pentagon Postpones World War III Until After Midterm Elections
The Pentagon announced it will postpone World War III until after the midterm elections to avoid upsetting key suburban voters.
Politics
Military Brass Cuts Memo Reveals Plan To Replace Generals With Drones
A leaked memo outlines plans for military brass cuts, replacing 20% of generals with retail-grade quadcopters.
World
Ukraine Fires Over 1,000 Drones Carrying Passive-Aggressive Notes
Ukraine fires over 1,000 drones carrying millions of tiny, highly laminated passive-aggressive notes into Russian territory.
World
Poland Warns Russia May Launch Accidental Attack on Allies via Giant Loose Cannon
Poland warns of a highly literal accidental attack as a giant Russian loose cannon rolls toward Western Europe.
Politics
Pentagon PR Chiefs Draft Special Script For Donald Trump 25th Anniversary Address
Leaked Pentagon memo reveals the extreme protocols designed for the Donald Trump 25th anniversary address to keep him on message.
World
Strait of Hormuz Conflict Settled via Aggressive Laser Tag Tournament
The Strait of Hormuz dispute gets resolved through an intense, high-stakes laser tag match in a foggy neon arena.
Politics
Pentagon Leaks Internal Memo Detailing How Iran War Will Extend Another Six Months Due To Excel Error
A leaked Pentagon memo reveals the Iran war must continue for another six months due to an unresolvable Excel spreadsheet error.
World
Russian Drone Enters Air War to File Noise Complaint Against Ukraine Security HQ
A Russian drone has escalated the air war by filing a formal noise complaint against Ukraine's security service HQ.
Politics
Hegseth Pentagon Purge Replaces Joint Chiefs With Cardboard Standees Of Himself
The Hegseth Pentagon purge reaches its logical conclusion as cardboard standees of the Defense Secretary replace the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
World
Pentagon Explains Rules of Military Tag Following the Biggest Exchange Since July
The Pentagon clarifies the official rules of military tag after the biggest exchange since July between the US and Iran.
World
5 Iranian Naval Mine Prototypes the Pentagon Secretly Feared
Leaked documents reveal the bizarre Iranian naval mine designs keeping the Pentagon awake at night.
Politics
Kid Rock Probe Results in Immediate Termination of Army Chief of Staff
A leaked memo shows the Army Chief of Staff was fired after launching a Kid Rock probe into military helicopters hovering over the singer's house.
Politics
Pentagon Pete Demands Kid Rock Flyby Investigation Die Quietly
Military officials received direct orders to bury the Kid Rock flyby investigation after an unauthorized low-altitude stunt in Tennessee.