Business
Aramco Oil Tankers Will Now Launch Drone Strikes Back
Leaked memo reveals Aramco oil tankers are being retrofitted with weapon systems to launch counter-drone strikes in the Red Sea.
Section
Business
Deadpan business satire about corporate culture, earnings calls and executives who definitely exist.
Business
Aramco Oil Facility Memo Orders Staff To Pretend Missiles Are Confetti
Leaked Aramco oil facility memo instructs workers to treat incoming missile strikes as high-velocity team-building confetti.
Business
A Soft Jobs Report Means We Must Fire Everyone Immediately
A leaked memo details plans to fire all staff members to boost stock prices following a soft jobs report.
Business
Wall Street Braces for Brazil Election by Building Giant Money Bunker
Wall Street braces for the upcoming vote by building a giant subterranean bunker to survive democratic outcomes.
Business
Urgent Athletic Wear Recall Hits Lululemon And Nike Over Severe Elastic Failure
Regulators issue an urgent athletic wear recall for Nike and Lululemon products after high-tension waistbands begin launching joggers backward.
Business
Whale Sinks Yacht During Routine Maritime Tax Audit, Court Transcript Reveals
A leaked court transcript reveals a whale sinks yacht assets on behalf of the IRS to audit billionaire tax havens.
Business
Day Traders Warned That Micron Pose Key Tests to Office Productivity
A leaked corporate memo orders employees to stop tracking how Micron pose key tests to their stock portfolios during office hours.
Business
Nvidia Stock Buyback Plan Replaces Cash Dividends With Literal Silicon Sand
A historic Nvidia stock buyback promises to reward shareholders with tons of raw silicon sand delivered directly to their driveways.
Business
Global Markets Panic as Stocks Slip Because Nobody Wants Them
Global markets panic as stocks slip because nobody wants them anymore. Experts suggest buying things to make the numbers go up.
Business
Federal Recall Issued for Government Bonds After Dangerous Sleep Hazards Discovered
Regulators issue a product recall on government bonds after discovering the securities pose an immediate risk of inducing deep, boredom-based comas.
Business
Nasdaq Hits All-Time High After Replacing All Human Traders With Screaming Algorithms
The Nasdaq hits all-time high after replacing human floor traders with screaming high-frequency algorithms.
Business
Trump-Xi Summit Trades Explored in Insider Trading Trial
Court transcripts reveal how Wall Street traders illegally exploited details of the Trump-Xi summit to beat the stock market.
Business
Russian Exile Votes Spark New Corporate Remote Voting Initiative
A leaked corporate memo reveals plans to monetize Russian exile votes through a new digital subscription service for long-distance political despair.
Business
Howie Buffett Defends Cherry Coke Assets in Senate Inquiry
Howie Buffett defended his strategy to protect Berkshire Hathaway's assets, including a massive underground reserve of Cherry Coke.
Business
Aviation Smoke Machine Memo From Riyadh Airport Management
A leaked internal memo reveals that the aviation smoke machine at Riyadh airport is actually a planned brand activation.
Business
Record Diesel Prices Force Midwestern Farmers To Power Tractors With Screaming Men
Desperate growers respond to record diesel prices by converting tractor engines to run on the acoustic energy of furious middle-aged men.
Business
Energy Markets Grapple With Court Probe Over Trillion-Dollar Shrugs
Leaked Senate testimony reveals that global energy markets grapple with a complete collapse of predictive math, relying instead on vibes.
Business
Federal Reserve Recalls Bad Decision Interest Rate After Consumer Panic
Regulators recalled the bad decision interest rate after reports of immediate executive panic and high-volume press tantrums.