Business
Glacial Collapse Solves Local Office Thermostat Dispute Permanently
A sudden glacial collapse has finally resolved a bitter, multi-year thermostat battle in a Colorado corporate office park.
Section
Business
Deadpan business satire about corporate culture, earnings calls and executives who definitely exist.
Business
Nvidia Earnings Disappoint After Failing To Spark Spiritual Awakening
Investors panic after Nvidia earnings fail to trigger a global spiritual awakening or cure human mortality, causing Wall Street to weep.
Business
Nvidia Earnings Report Demands Total Financial Silence From Employees
A leaked internal memo demands absolute physical silence from employees to avoid upsetting the volatile Nvidia earnings report.
Business
Nvidia Stock Valuation Deemed Uncomfortably Cheap
A leaked internal memo shows executives scrambling to fix the Nvidia stock valuation before the company looks too affordable to Wall Street.
Business
Stock Futures Rise as Wall Street Invents New Oracle of Delphi
Investors gather on Wall Street to perform ancient rituals, hoping stock futures rise in anticipation of major tech earnings.
Business
Why Nvidia Stock Is Down: 5 Reasons Analysts Are Panic Selling
Financial analysts reveal the absurd reasons why Nvidia stock is down today, from bad-tasting microchips to a tragic lack of leather jackets.
Business
Gary Power Outage Caused by Utility Board Forgetting Electricity Was Real
A court transcript reveals the Gary power outage continues because utility executives believed electricity was just a metaphor for teamwork.
Business
Secondary Sanctions Recalled After Accidental Wall Street Ban
Treasury Department issues a recall on new secondary sanctions after they accidentally ban the U.S. dollar.
Business
Badum Corp Announces Canada Tariffs Premium Protection Plan
Badum Corp launches a monthly subscription plan to help Americans bypass upcoming Canada tariffs.
Business
Stock Market Rotation Now Requires Physical Gym Equipment
The SEC rules that the latest stock market rotation requires traders to use physical gym equipment to shift assets.
Business
Paramount Executives Order Staff To Stop Playing Games With California AG
Leaked memo orders Paramount staff to stop playing games like Monopoly and Risk during high-stakes California merger talks.
Business
Power Outage Trial Reveals Electric Utility Grid Runs Entirely On Hamster Wheels
A shocking court transcript reveals the ongoing Indiana power outage is caused by a union strike of grid-powering hamsters.
Business
Josh Kushner's Fortune Reaches Peak Wealth via Literal Magic
Josh Kushner's fortune hits $17 billion as Thrive Capital abandons tech investing to focus on literal, ancient sorcery.
Business
Power Grid Outage Memo Instructs Staff To Tell Customers Electricity Is A Mindset
A leaked memo reveals utility executives are rebranding the power grid outage in Indiana as a premium 'ancestral minimalism' experience.
Business
Buc-ee’s Trademark War Claims Ohio Beaver Pond
The Buc-ee’s trademark war reaches a ridiculous peak as the gas station chain sues an Ohio nature reserve over actual wild beavers.
Business
Chevron Memo: Flipped the Oil Script on Iran
A leaked internal memo reveals how oil executives flipped the oil script on Iran using mirrors and silent treatment.
Business
Treasury Debt Buyback Scheme Leaked Memo Reveals Plan To Use Bed Bath & Beyond Coupons
Leaked memo reveals the treasury debt buyback scheme will use expired coupons to avoid a total dollar devaluation spiral.
Business
Arctic Commercial Route Recalled Due To Aggressive Polar Bears
Regulators have recalled the new Arctic commercial route due to aggressive polar bears peeling open steel container ships like aluminum cans.