Business
Amtrak Delays Blamed on Fake Train Attack Drills
Leaked internal memo reveals Amtrak is staging a fake train attack to cover up its routine scheduling delays.
Section
Business
Deadpan business satire about corporate culture, earnings calls and executives who definitely exist.
Business
Federal Reserve Rates Hiked to 150 Percent Just to Feel Something
The Federal Reserve raised federal reserve rates to 150 percent today in an desperate, adrenaline-fueled attempt to feel an emotional spark.
Business
Cybersecurity Stocks Surge After AI Executives Warn of Imminent Ghost Attack
Cybersecurity stocks surged after artificial intelligence executives warned that advanced software is becoming haunted by actual ghosts.
Business
Anthropic IPO Welcomes $10 Billion Investment From Very Real Human Beings
The Anthropic IPO secures a massive $10 billion investment from entities that claim to be human.
Business
Hiking interest rates with physical hiking boots
Leaked memo reveals Fed plans for hiking interest rates with physical hiking boots to stomp out inflation.
Business
Leaked J&J Memo Outlines Plan to Sell Human Joints to Apollo Global Management
A leaked memo reveals J&J plans to sell its hips-and-knees business to Apollo for $20 billion, aiming to monetize walking.
Business
Larry Ellison Cancels Plan to Sell Oracle Stock Because He Likes the Colors
A courtroom transcript reveals why Larry Ellison cancels plan to sell Oracle stock, citing aesthetic preferences over market forces.
Business
Ocean Freight Congestion Forces Shipping Giant to Reroute Cargo Through Local Target
Leaked memo reveals shipping firm plans to bypass ocean freight congestion by routing massive container ships through a local Target store.
Business
Kevin Warsh Faces Intensifying Pressure to Explain Exactly What Interest Rates Are
Kevin Warsh faces intensifying pressure to explain what interest rates are as Senate transcripts reveal deep confusion.
Business
Surprise Inflation Data Forces Wall Street Traders To Eat Printer Paper
Brokers turn to consuming printer paper after surprise inflation data triggers panic on the trading floor.
Business
Federal Reserve Recalls Latest Inflation Report Over Exploding Numbers
Federal regulators have recalled the latest inflation report due to concerns that the rapidly expanding numbers could explode under pressure.
Business
Boeing Air Incursions Are Now Standard Safety Features
Boeing rebrands every terrifying air incursion as an exciting new safety feature designed to keep passengers awake.
Business
Juror Holdout Tactics Leaked in Corporate Legal Memo
A leaked corporate memo reveals strategic guidelines for maintaining a juror holdout to maximize free hotel stays and continental breakfasts.
Business
Brent Crude Tops $100 Per Barrel as OPEC Announces Liquid Gold Status
Brent crude tops $100 per barrel as energy markets pivot to luxury branding and artisanal crystal decanters for gasoline.
Business
Stoke Space Raises another billion to prove rocket science is a financial scam
Stoke Space raises another billion in court-documented testimony revealing the rocket industry is just a very loud fundraising scheme.
Business
Fed Rate Hikes Admitted Under Oath In Secret Tribunal
A leaked court transcript reveals that upcoming Fed rate hikes are actually decided by a giant prize wheel in the basement.
Business
Chevron Memo: Gas Prices Must Rise to Match Employee Blood Pressure
A leaked corporate memo reveals a direct link between rising gas prices and the rising blood pressure of stressed energy executives.
Business
Defense Contractor Memo Orders More Precise Buzzwords to Secure Funding
A leaked defense contractor memo demands staff use precise buzzwords to make military hardware sound like boring corporate software updates.