Music
Leeds Festival Witness Admits New Fontaines D.C. Track Caused Temporary Ego Death
A court transcript reveals the shocking emotional fallout after Fontaines D.C. debuted their new song "Happy For You" at Leeds Festival.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Secretly Group Anniversary Sparked by 30 Years of Forged Signature Accusations
During the Secretly Group anniversary trial, executives admitted to signing major indie acts using fake raffles and Applebee's placemats.
Music
Canada-US Tensions Spark Urgent Concert Speeches from Iron Maiden and Christopher Cross
Iron Maiden and Christopher Cross spoke out against rising Canada-US tensions during their Toronto shows, pleading for bilateral trade peace.
Music
Iron Maiden 2026 Tour Setlist Features 17 Heavy Metal Songs About Administrative Scheduling
The Iron Maiden 2026 Tour kicked off with a terrifying 17-song setlist focused entirely on corporate office dread.
Music
Global Touring Map Exposed as Elaborate Kidnapping Scheme in Federal Court
A shocking court transcript reveals the dark truth behind how promoters keep Japan on the global touring map.
Music
Total Wife Remix Memo Warns of Dangerous Levels of Nashville Glitch
A leaked memo warns staff of the extreme audio hazards found on the upcoming Total Wife remix EP featuring TAGABOW.
Music
Nathan Fielder Concert Cameo Recalled After Causing Severe Audience Confusion
Regulators issue a recall on the Nathan Fielder concert cameo after a Vancouver show caused dangerous levels of audience confusion.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo Daisy Chain Fields Festival Offers New Safety Features for Dads in the Back
The historic Olivia Rodrigo Daisy Chain Fields festival introduced new safety features to protect dads standing silently near the exit gates.
Music
David Fair Legacy Honored by Millions of Out-of-Tune Guitars
Musicians honor the David Fair legacy by collectively forgetting how to tune their instruments and ignoring all traditional music theory.
Music
MUTEK Montreal Magic Declared Safety Hazard by Live Nation Execs
An internal memo warns that the MUTEK Montreal magic is causing dangerous levels of joy, threatening venue water sales.
Music
Dazy MAXIMUMBLASTSUPERLOUD Vol. 2 Volume Setting Mandated in Internal Memo
A leaked corporate memo orders employees to play the new Dazy MAXIMUMBLASTSUPERLOUD Vol. 2 compilation at maximum volume to boost productivity.
Music
Ella Langley Record Recall Issued After Song Causes Acute Drake Infestation
A federal recall has been issued for the Ella Langley record 'Choosin' Texas' due to an imminent threat of an unapproved Drake remix.
Music
Kacey Musgraves Dolly Cover Sparks Five New Southern Religious Schisms
A Kacey Musgraves Dolly Cover of 'Here You Come Again' has officially split the Southern country music fandom into five separate religious sects.
Music
Mac DeMarco Releases Four New Albums on Dusty CD-Rs
Indie icon Mac DeMarco releases four new albums on physical CD-R discs, forcing fans to find working car stereos.
Music
Ravyn Lenae Postpones Tour to Synergize Personal Vibration Metrics
R&B star Ravyn Lenae postpones tour dates to optimize her spiritual calendar and maximize corporate synergy.
Music
Interscope Memo Demands AZ Chike Dance Moves Meet Strict 2004 Standards
Leaked Interscope memo demands AZ Chike dance moves meet strict awkwardness standards for his new video with Tyler, the Creator.
Music
Floating Points Ballet Score Sparks Panic as Local Theater Accidentally Unlocks Hell
A new Floating Points ballet score about Pandora's box accidentally summons ancient demons during its London premiere.
Music
Bad Wolves Dolly Parton Cover Recalled Globally by Federal Authorities After Musical Hazard Level Orange
A federal product recall notice has been issued for the new Bad Wolves Dolly Parton cover due to severe acoustic hazards.