Music
Cosmic Joke Suburban Decay Sparking Immediate HOA Violations in Los Angeles
The band Cosmic Joke Suburban Decay announcement causes panic among Southern California homeowners associations over property values.
Section
Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Hilary Duff Tour Award Sparks Legal Probe Into Y2K Nostalgia Schemes
A court deposition reveals the bizarre truth behind the Hilary Duff tour award announced for the 2026 Billboard Live Music Summit.
Music
Emma Ogier Debut Album Triggers Emergency Nashville Board Meeting
Leaked Spotify memo reveals corporate panic over the Emma Ogier debut album and its threat to automated playlist algorithms.
Music
Mogwai Go Punk Track Recalled for Excessive Speed and Aggression
A federal recall notice warns that the new Mogwai go punk track 'Underground' contains dangerous levels of speed and aggression.
Music
Mogwai Iggy Pop Collaboration Tested on Lab Mice to Study Advanced Age
A new study reveals the biological effects of the Mogwai Iggy Pop collaboration on elderly lab mice.
Music
horsegiirL Hardcore Healing EP To Unleash Hay-Fueled Digital Chaos
The horsegiirL Hardcore Healing EP brings equestrian hyperpop to the masses. Berlin dance music meets raw barnyard chaos.
Music
Fontaines D.C. Tongue Internal Memo Warns Band Members Not to Swirl It
Leaked memo reveals XL Recordings is terrified of the physical dangers of the new single Fontaines D.C. Tongue.
Music
Rick Wakeman Moon Bears Concert Causes Confusion in Vietnam Sanctuary
A Rick Wakeman moon bears performance in Vietnam left 150 rescued animals confused by complex progressive rock synth solos.
Music
Saint Vitus Bar Dances Again with 6 New Safety Rules
The legendary Saint Vitus Bar dances again under strict new rules, including mandatory pool noodles and polite headbanging consent forms.
Music
Angèle Love Triangle Recalled Globally Following Severe Geometry Hazard
The federal government has issued a recall of the Angèle Love Triangle single due to sharp audio geometry that poses a hazard to ears.
Music
Sub Pop Demands PISS Concertgoers Sign Liability Waiver
Sub Pop Records mandates legal waivers for PISS concertgoers as the Vancouver noise-rock band releases a volatile new single.
Music
Mia Joy Comet Memo Orders Staff to Deploy Giant Industrial Blankets Over Chicago
Leaked memo orders staff to deploy giant blankets for the Mia Joy Comet single release to block out the sun for maximum shoegaze vibes.
Music
A Perfect Circle To Whom It May Concern Memo Drafts Leaked
Leaked drafts of the new song A Perfect Circle To Whom It May Concern show it began as a passive-aggressive office memo about the breakroom fridge.
Music
Power Snatch Spit Cover Sparking Federal Investigation Into Cover Song Inflation
A federal investigation into the Power Snatch Spit cover reveals a massive conspiracy to corner the indie singer-songwriter market.
Music
Dazy Release Ugly to Sabotage Purely Aesthetic Playlists
Dazy release Ugly to disrupt the algorithmic flow of hyper-curated lifestyle playlists with a glorious dose of power-pop fuzz.
Music
Pearl Jam New Drummer Official Statement Released After Eddie Vedder Sings With Everyone
Get the official corporate update on the Pearl Jam new drummer situation at Ohana and Eddie Vedder's quest to sing with every band.
Music
Stevie Wonder Outtakes Reveal Legendary Artist Spent 1976 Writing Commercial Jingles for Local Dentists
Newly unearthed Stevie Wonder outtakes reveal the soul icon spent his peak creative era writing funk jingles for Michigan dentists.
Music
Erasure New Album Sparked by Secret Government Mind Control Signal, Trial Reveals
Court transcripts reveal the Erasure new album was commissioned by the government to pacify the public with high-potency 1980s synthpop.