Music
Product Recall Issued for Fontaines D.C. Sets Due to Critical Post-Punk Melancholy Leaks
Regulators issued an urgent safety recall for Fontaines D.C. sets at Reading & Leeds due to hazardous levels of post-punk melancholy.
Section
Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
James Brandon Lewis Album Spam Forces Jazz Fans To Buy Larger Hard Drives
A new James Brandon Lewis album is coming, forcing jazz fans and IT departments to buy massive hard drives to store the endless music.
Music
Stephen Steinbrink Magic Mirror Recalled Globally After Mirror Explodes
Regulators have issued a recall for the Stephen Steinbrink Magic Mirror single after reports of physical glass cuts from phone speakers.
Music
Ella Langley Ties Lil Nas X for the Longest Running Billboard Number One in Legal Dispute
A court transcript reveals the shocking bovine conspiracy behind how Ella Langley ties Lil Nas X at the top of the Billboard charts.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo Fans Terrified as New Single Spreads Serena Joy Vibes
A senate hearing reveals how the new Olivia Rodrigo CD spreads Serena Joy vibes to unsuspecting teenage listeners.
Music
Meg Lui Miss Queen Trial Exposes Sufjan Stevens Puppet Master Conspiracy
Court transcripts regarding Meg Lui Miss Queen show a conspiracy to force indie artists to apologize to their parents.
Music
Shudder To Think Announce New EP 'Who Sent You?' Under Intense Federal Subpoena
Transcripts show Shudder To Think announce new EP Who Sent You? as a plea deal to avoid federal racketeering charges.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo Serena Joy Release Sparks Internal Panic Over Book Reports
An leaked memo shows Interscope executives panicking over the Olivia Rodrigo Serena Joy release and its ties to dystopian literature.
Music
Federal Agency Issues Swift Surprise Mash-Up Recall After Hearing Causes Sudden Heartburn
The CPSC issued an urgent recall on the Swift surprise mash-up after the Grammy Museum performance caused severe emotional hazards.
Music
Mazzy Star Cover Safety Recall Issued After Green Man Festival Incident
Regulators issue a mandatory recall on the Mazzy Star cover performed at Green Man Festival, citing extreme risk of dream-pop drowsiness.
Music
Big Thief Horsepower Setlist Causes Mass Confusion in Brooklyn
Indie folk darlings Big Thief baffled fans by playing the entire Big Thief Horsepower setlist from their upcoming triple album.
Music
Stray Kids' DominATE Experience Film Is Recalled Due to Radioactive Level of Charisma
An internal memo reveals Stray Kids' DominATE Experience Blu-ray is being recalled due to dangerously high levels of stage charisma.
Music
Reggie Watts Dropped From Corporate Assets Following Distressing Reports
An internal memo reveals Reggie Watts dropped from corporate assets and podcast intros following distressing reports.
Music
Live Nation Antitrust Case Resolved Following Inspiring Oval Office Friendship Circle
The Live Nation antitrust case is resolved after an Oval Office meeting. Read the official press release on this historic corporate friendship.
Music
Stella Lefty Tour Boston Stop Sparking Federal Antitrust Investigation
A federal court transcript reveals the dark truth behind the Stella Lefty Tour Boston stop and its ties to the country music cartel.
Music
NCT 127 BLINGY Album Triggers Global Sequins Shortage
The new NCT 127 BLINGY album has caused a massive global sequins shortage, leaving the fashion industry in complete chaos.
Music
Noah Kahan Credit Added After Pop-Country Singer Realized She Copied 'Stick Season' While Buying Flannel
Singer Stella Lefty explains how she accidentally gave Noah Kahan credit on her new track after a flannel-related songwriting mishap.
Music
Graham Hunt Track Sparks Federal Lawsuit Over Fuzz-Pop Overdose
A federal grand jury investigates the new Graham Hunt Track, 'Guardian Angel’s Arms,' for hazardous levels of Midwestern fuzz-pop distortion.