Music
Jelly Roll Florida Panhandle Ban Imposed After First Political Comments
A federal court transcript reveals the aftermath of Jelly Roll's first political comments, resulting in a ban from the Florida Panhandle.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
KATSEYE Members Recalled by Federal Regulators After String of Structural Malfunctions
Federal regulators issue a mandatory recall of KATSEYE units following ankle structural failures before Daisy Chain Fields.
Music
Stella Lefty's Personality Vacuum Declared a Hazardous Material by Label Execs
An internal memo warns staff that Stella Lefty's Personality Vacuum poses a threat to brand stability.
Music
Raising Hell Anniversary Hearing Exposes Secret 1986 Rap Tax
A congressional hearing on the Raising Hell anniversary reveals a massive 1986 conspiracy involving sneakers and secret rock subsidies.
Music
Nelly Furtado Rebound Recalled by Feds After Causing Nostalgia Overload
The federal government has issued a mandatory safety recall on the 2006 Nelly Furtado rebound due to dangerous levels of nostalgia.
Music
Blake Whiten Stadium Tour Proves Algorithm Made the Right Choice
The Blake Whiten stadium tour officially kicks off after the country singer scored a viral Hot 100 hit with 'Bet on That.'
Music
Selena Gomez Lawsuit Sparks Debate Over 'Chief Influencer Officer' Job Duties
The Selena Gomez lawsuit escalates as lawyers argue her corporate duties were completed entirely through spiritual alignment.
Music
Westside Cowboy Debut Recalled by Feds for Excessive Dust Danger
The Westside Cowboy debut album, 'It Goes On,' has been recalled by federal regulators due to dangerous levels of prairie dust emissions.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo Baja Blast Recalled After Causing Teenagers to Experience 2004 Prom Drama
Regulators recalled the Olivia Rodrigo Baja Blast after the drink caused Gen Z teens to experience severe bouts of 2004 high school angst.
Music
Jasper Llewellyn Shares Debut Solo Single To Educate Unruly Children
Jasper Llewellyn shares debut solo single 'For The Teacher' to help educators control unruly classrooms with experimental post-rock.
Music
Detailed Kids Music Recalled After Toddlers Develop Existential Dread
Regulators recall detailed kids music from Ms. Rachel and Mr. Aron after toddlers experience severe existential dread from complex chords.
Music
Erykah Badu Album Released Early to Subpoenaed Jurors After Doomsday Lawsuit
A federal court transcript reveals how the new Erykah Badu album 'Before the World Blows' was distributed entirely via judicial subpoenas.
Music
Drone Metal Priest Memo Outlines Strategy for Live Set Amid Backlash
Leaked memo reveals PR strategy to spin the drone metal priest controversies into avant-garde performance art before his live debut.
Music
Joe Glass It’s No Wonder Memo Orders 10,000% Increase In Lo-Fi Hiss
A leaked Perennial Records memo demands engineers ruin the audio quality of the new Joe Glass It’s No Wonder reissue for maximum indie credibility.
Music
Michael Nau Announces New Album 'Popfly' and Confirms It is Just Sounds of Baseball Dropping
Michael Nau announces new album Popfly, which features zero guitars and several concussions.
Music
untitled (halo) Debut Album Announced Alongside Corporate Synergy Initiative
The upcoming untitled (halo) debut album combines shoegaze with luxury rap to satisfy global corporate synergy metrics.
Music
Boy Harsher Track Recalled by Federal Regulators After Causing Acute Melancholy
Federal regulators issue an urgent safety recall for the new Boy Harsher track due to extreme risks of sudden, uncontrollable brooding.
Music
William Basinski Deposition Reveals Composer Sells Sad Loops To CIA
A shocking court transcript links the new album Passing The Cup Of Sorrows to government psychological operations.