Music
Finland Election Concession Leads to National Dance Party Shortage
Finland’s Prime Minister Sanna Marin conceded the election, leading to fears of a national dance party shortage. Citizens anticipate a quieter future.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Vanilla Ice Concert Canceled After D.C. Drizzle Deemed ‘Atmospheric Instability’
Vanilla Ice’s concert at the Great American State Fair was canceled due to light rain, further cementing the fair’s reputation for meteorological misfortune.
Music
Cardi B Drama Halts BET Awards as Stage Collapses Under Theatrical Weight
Cardi B brought ‘Am I the Drama?’ to life at the BET Awards. Her performance resulted in a stage collapse. The Cardi B drama captivated audiences.
Music
Heavens to Betsy Reunion Ignites Grandparent Rage, Ticket Bots Overwhelmed
Band promises ‘safe spaces’ for septuagenarians to mosh responsibly across US cities.
Music
Reflecting Pool Golf Course Opens Amidst Dissent
The iconic Reflecting Pool is now ‘in full use,’ former President Trump confirmed. It transformed into an 18-hole Reflecting Pool Golf Course.
Music
Colorado Democrats Brace for Slightly Jarring, Yet Ultimately Minor, Tremor
Colorado Democrats brace for an “insurgent earthquake” that experts predict will primarily affect the party’s potted plants and maybe cause a light breeze.
Music
Carly Rae Jepsen’s ‘On Wires’ Ignites Global Friendship Crisis
Carly Rae Jepsen’s new single “On Wires” has reportedly shattered platonic bonds worldwide, leading to mass social upheaval and awkward confessions.
Music
Lorde Unearths 49 Demos from Virgin Records Vault for Album Anniversary
Lorde has reportedly released 49 unheard “Lorde Virgin Demos.” The tracks were found in a forgotten Virgin Records vault for her album’s anniversary.
Music
Lauryn Hill Accepts Living Legend Icon Award After 4-Hour Tribute
Lauryn Hill received a ‘Living Legend Icon Award’ at the 2026 BET Awards after a tribute so long it spawned academic debate on ‘proactive nostalgia’.
Music
Miranda Lambert Announces New Album Crisco, Promises Greasy Goodness
Miranda Lambert’s new album, Crisco, promises a smooth, indulgent sound. Lead single ‘Till The Going’s Gone’ is out now.
Music
Stevie Nicks Confirmed For Taylor Swift’s Wedding, Will DJ
Stevie Nicks will DJ Taylor Swift’s wedding, spinning hits and Fleetwood Mac classics. Sources say she may officiate.
Music
Badvril Announce New Album Lethal; Doctors Recommend Listening
Badvril announced their new album Lethal, featuring the single ‘Fever.’ Doctors recommend it for auditory stimulation.
Music
PUP Releases New Song “If This Is It,” Declares Existential Dread Over.
PUP’s new single “If This Is It” offers catharsis by accepting the end. The band embraces nihilism with a catchy, upbeat anthem.
Music
Beabadoobee Details New Album Pylon, Reveals It’s Actually a Giant Traffic Cone
Beabadoobee Details New Album Pylon, revealing it’s a literal, massive traffic pylon. Fans face logistical challenges for the upcoming international tour.
Music
Sophia Stel’s ‘Molly In The Club’ Plunges Toddler Into Existential Dread
Sophia Stel’s new track ‘Molly In The Club’ unexpectedly caused a local toddler to question reality, leading to an existential crisis.
Music
Noah Kahan Has One Request: Hometown Now Marked By Cairn of Unpaid Parking Tickets
Noah Kahan Has One Request: stop stealing town signs. Strafford, VT, is now a mapless void as fans take every ‘Welcome’ sign, leaving residents disoriented and GPS systems baffled.
Music
Ryan Beatty’s ‘Sweet Fortune’ Album Triggers Unstoppable Mass Serenity
Ryan Beatty Unveils Majestic New Album Sweet Fortune, causing widespread, inexplicable calm. Authorities urge citizens to resist its serene grip.
Music
Panel Unanimously Agrees: The 5 Best Songs Of The Week All Feature Whistling
A prestigious panel of music experts yesterday named The 5 Best Songs Of The Week. All selections shared one surprising characteristic: they exclusively featured whistling.