Music
Presidential Wealth Growth Sparks New Economic Theory
Unprecedented presidential wealth growth has mystified economists, leading them to invent new theories. Power itself might be a direct income stream.
Section
Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Stephen Malkmus’s Black Towels Spark Interstate Incident
The absorbent fabric demands better treatment than a rock star.
Music
Westside Cowboy Fans Demand More ‘Pin Up Boys’
Westside Cowboy’s new single ‘Pin Up Boys’ causes extreme fan demand for more music.
Music
Hayley Williams Covers Sinéad O’Connor, Breaks Irish Hearts
Hayley Williams covered Sinéad O’Connor in Dublin, leaving fans confusedly appreciative. The unexpected tribute sparked online debate.
Music
Republicans Secure Literal Home-Field Edge for Senate Races
Republicans’ Home-Field Edge for Senate races becomes literal, forcing voters through obstacle courses in newly designated ‘Senate Home Fields’ nationwide.
Music
Bullion Nearly Announces New Album, Mostly
Bullion nearly announces new album Nearly, confirming its existence via pigeon. Fans hope the record arrives before the next ice age.
Music
Dinosaur Jr. Unleashes New Album, Fulfills Ancient Rock Prophecy
Dinosaur Jr. dropped their first LP in five years, fulfilling an ancient prophecy. The new album is loud. Very loud.
Music
Queen Of Jeans’ “Still Learning” Track Fails to Educate Any Listeners
Queen Of Jeans’ new single “Still Learning” offers listeners precisely zero new insights, with experts confirming the band knows nothing more than before.
Music
Dinosaur Jr. Album “There Near” Confirms Millions Lost Something Undefined
Dinosaur Jr.’s new album “There Near” and single “Several Got Away” addresses the pervasive, unidentifiable sense of loss felt by millions.
Music
YHWH Nailgun Magazine Declared Visual Album After 11-Minute Runtime
YHWH Nailgun’s magazine is technically a visual album now after releasing an 11-minute LP as a single static video, prompting debate on media definitions.
Music
Alphabet’s New Single ‘Sense’ Reportedly Induces Profound Apathy
London band Alphabet’s new single “Sense” has reportedly left listeners with a complete lack of feeling. Experts are baffled by the widespread apathy.
Music
Dylan Tour Guitarists Mysteriously Removed by Road Crew Following ‘Chord Incident’
Bob Dylan’s tour guitarists vanished this week, leaving only a pile of neatly organized picks and questions. Experts say their playing was ‘too harmonious’ for Dylan’s art.
Music
Rosalía’s Tour Essay Deemed ‘Brown Sound Bible’ by Ween Fandom
The treatise on performance art was reportedly printed on repurposed toilet paper.
Music
Trump’s Supreme Court Loss Sends Nation Scrambling For New Scapegoat
The Supreme Court delivered a stunning 3-1 defeat to former President Donald Trump, leaving the nation’s blame-assigning infrastructure in utter disarray.
Music
New Order Tour Shake-Up: Key Members Opt for Quiet Life, Citing ‘Excessive Stage Presence’
Stephen Morris and Gillian Gilbert will not be touring with New Order “for the foreseeable future,” citing sourdough and birdwatching as new passions.
Music
R.A.P. Ferreira, nahhphet, Rhys Langston Demand Horns Sound For Deportation
R.A.P. Ferreira, nahhphet, and Rhys Langston release “Sound Of Horns” to support detained artist Frankie Jax No Mad’s safe return to Kenya.
Music
Shakira & Burna Boy’s World Cup Anthem ‘Dai Dai’ Tops Charts, World Cup Still Delayed
Shakira & Burna Boy’s ‘Dai Dai’ hits No. 1 globally amid ongoing World Cup delays. Fans await the tournament.
Music
Alan Jackson Fans Boo Taylor Swift Tribute, Demand More ‘Chattahoochee’
Alan Jackson fans booed Taylor Swift’s tribute video at his farewell concert, preferring 90s country hits over pop star’s message.